"So you got your mom’s egg, right? And your dad does his thing to it. So that egg busts into two and you got a brother because you didn’t manage to eat him fast enough. And then you both pop out and you’re twins. What the eff?"

—My criminology teacher

(Source: tastefullyoffensive, via sherrybelmont)

1 year ago

19,335 notes

so i think i got a good start on my term paper time for a break

midterms are in two weeks

in celebration of the last quarter, here’s a summary of everything i’ve learned and retained thanks to the school system


"Lesson One: Introduce Yourself

Share a little bit about yourself! Write one thing not many people know about you.”

there’s something really dangerous about writing while listening to music with lyrics

operation “get this entire midterm essay done in one day” is rocking so far.

3/6 pages yes i can do this

"hey, i wrote a page of my term paper today! i’m 1/7th of the way done and i got a month left! i don’t feel like a useless piece of shit anymore!"

"what about that math test next week?"

"the wha—"

"and the midterm you have next week? why weren’t you studying instead of going to see that movie last week?"

"w-well, i mean. i’m not unprepared, i think i’m doing okay…"

"wrong. you have that big test at the end of next week too."

"i’ve been studying in my free ti—"

"a quiz two weeks from today. you haven’t even started."

so i got some school stuff for next semester