one time when i was younger i had some of that no tears shampoo and i wanted to see if it was legit so when i was in the shower i squirted it into my eye and i think i went blind for like three days
i think you may be a bit retarded because no tears meant like no tears in your hair; no tangles….
Please tell me I’m not the only one who thought no tears as in crying too
MY LIFE IS A LIE
No this is definitely a lie. I had L’oreal Kids that advertised “No Tears” not with the other hair-related things. As in no crying. I SWEAR.
Sorry, I can’t hear you over the cries of the people being oppressed by my hair color.
Jed Brophy in lederhosen at Ringcon 2007 (•⊙ω⊙•)
i love that you ended with a smile omg
no buT OKAY OMG HERE’S HOW I WOULD LIKE THIS TO GO DOWN
while on the ship with frodo, gandalf, and the elves, bilbo talks to frodo about how frail he feels but how excited he is and frodo’s like “umm but you could literally die in your sleep how is that exciting????”
and bilbo says “do you remember my story? do you remember thorin? i survived as long as i have because my heart has been sustained by the thought that at the end of it all, i shall see him again”
and gandalf turns to bilbo and he says “…what?”
"thorin, gandalf. whether i sail to immortality or to never-ending sleep, i shall not despair, for i will soon be with he who has long owned my heart"
and gandalf’s face just falls, so he has to, you know, “oh bilbo, my friend, before you say you am seeing this dwarf let me explain u a thing” and he tells him about the halls of mandos and how thorin will be there but bilbo will not even go anywhere NEAR that heaven, it was just not meant to happen
and this makes bilbo so very very very very sad indeed because he had clung to this hope of seeing thorin again after he had said goodbye to him in the funeral, “i’m suddenly very, very tired, i think i might go rest” so he leaves and just lays in his bed
and he doesn’t eat or drink for the rest of the journey and frodo and gandalf and elrond are all very worried but frodo understands why this is happening and thinks they should just leave well enough alone and just watch over him
and one night bilbo actually falls asleep, and he dreams of bag end, he dreams that he is young again and cleaning up in bag end and it’s a sunny day outside, and then there’s a knocking on the door, and when he opens it, there’s thorin, as clean and whole as when they had first met, and he smiles at bilbo, who is confused as fuck
"what are you doing here?"
and thorin reaches out a hand to him, “taking you on an adventure”
"we are both far too old for adventures, dear heart"
"then i am taking you home with me"
so bilbo takes his hand but instead of letting thorin lead him, he urges thorin inside bag end, and then he closes the door, takes both of thorin’s hands in his, smiles up at him and says
"we already are"
and they spend an entire day together inside bag end, cleaning and cooking and telling stories that they shouldn’t know because they are physically too young, but they have still lived all their years, and as the sun begins to set, thorin takes bilbo into his bedroom and they make love and take their time and by the time they’re both done, the moon is high in the sky and stars pepper the night
"how are you feeling, bilbo?"
"good. blessed. content."
"the night is almost over. just a few more hours, i think"
and when frodo and gandalf visit bilbo in the morning, they find he has passed but with a soft smile on his face
LET ME TELL YOU A THING: dwarf heaven is literally right across the mountain from where Bilbo would be in Valinor.
So all Bilbo has to do is go on another adventure and ask the nice Vala Aule if he could go see Thorin in his halls.
SO NO WORRIES THIS TIME IT’S JUST BILBO KNOCKING ON THE DWARVES’ DOOR AND NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND OK DON’T BE SAD
Toss The Dwarf: fanfiction reenactment.
CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS FOR A FUCKING MINUTE